Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
