Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i think my cat just said my name.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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