My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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