thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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