xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's the barista slut.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Houston, we have a blender
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
