How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
