I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
