You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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