that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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