it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The air was thick with penises
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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