Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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