people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm passing your future prison.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
