So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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