Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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