I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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