This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
only if we run a train.
done.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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