I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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