And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
