ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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