I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
