Kiss
Puke
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
