im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
