At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she looked like the before picture.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
