where am i from again
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
