All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
