I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
