I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
