well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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