I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
