i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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