i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
