you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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