Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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