They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
