There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
