My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
