I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
