It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
