He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
