If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sober January is a disaster.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
