3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
