Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
