Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
