Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
