i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
