I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
