Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
