Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
