Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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