What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
