She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They took my balls.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
