I just cut my nipple shaving
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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