its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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