i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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