Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Your face is a jimmy john
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
