if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
