Im at strip club and am horny
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
